Thursday, July 14, 2011

Prozac and Motherhood

I'm not a perfect person and I will never claim to be or even pretend to be. What you see is what you get.
Lately, I've been having my first serious bout of depression since the Prozac kicked in early last year. It's really scaring the hell out of me. But that's not all. Slowly, in the last few months, my feelings (aside from anger and depression) have disappeared. When I say 'I love you' there is little to no emotion behind the words. You can imagine how difficult this makes my family life. Last week on Facebook I posted 'I hate being a mom.' I was having a particularly hard day and needed words of encouragement. I guess Facebook wasn't the place to look for it. Sure, a few of my friends said things like "I'm sorry you're having a tough time" and things like that, but there were several people who instead of focusing on my obvious need criticized me for using the word hate in conjunction with motherhood. Don't get me wrong, I understand their reactions, but every bit of criticism no matter how kindly said or lovingly meant was like rubbing salt in an already festering wound. Reading them, I felt more lousy and miserable than when I first posted the status. I honestly don't think that there is a single mother out there who hasn't or won't say at some point during motherhood 'I hate this'. We all have our breaking points and some come easier than for others. And don't pretend motherhood is oh so rosy for you all the time when that breaking point comes up for someone else. It's not fair to throw that in anyone's face no matter how well-intentioned. Take a deep breath and try to see that your friend is in need. If you're able to do that then when you reach your breaking point your friend will be there for you. And you know, in all honesty I'd rather my kid remember me saying 'I hate being a mom' now and then than to have him remember me hitting him all the time because I couldn't vent my frustration out elsewhere.

P.S. It's hard to love being a mom when your three-year-old is constantly telling you no, yelling at you, talking back, and being all around defiant. The teenage years are going to be fun I can tell.....

2 comments:

Alisha said...

I'm so sorry you got that reaction from people on FB. You are absolutely right--we all have moments in our lives when we may hate what we are doing. That's how life goes. I can't believe people who think being a parent is the "bestest thing ever!" all the time. (I'm not yet a parent, but parenting from the outside doesn't always look like rainbows and butterflies.) Good luck, Marie. I think you're great and hope we can get to know each other better.

Marie said...

Thanks Alisha :)

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