Monday, May 31, 2010

Life As I Know It

So much has changed in the last six months. For the record, Pristiq sucks. I spent four days in a behavioral unit at a hospital after overdosing on sleeping pills. I went to live with my mom after that. Finally came back just a couple of weeks ago. I loved living in Washington, but living with my mom and my 17-year old sister was very stressful. I had to leave my two best friends behind though when I came back. I miss them terribly. :'(

I was put on Prozac right after ODing and i'm up to 60mg/day and it seems to be working rather well. I think I'm gonna stick with this one for as long as it will work!

It was kind of a long time coming in some ways, but, I lost my faith. Hell, I've lost my desire to have faith. It is SO depressing to go to church and have the teachers and lessons all saying that if you keep God's commandments and read scriptures, pray, fast, serve, ect. ect. then you'll be happy. Well, I'm sorry, but for 25 years I did those things and they never made me feel happier. I'm so angry at God for those broken promises. I feel abandoned, disappointed, and angry. I still go to church sometimes just to get out of the house and socialize (and of course for the two hours away from my son!!!), but when I go there's always something that seems to just rub salt in my wounds.

I actually feel better and happier now than I have in years. I'm watching what I eat, drinking lots of water, and taking some supplemental diet pills. I have energy, and I actually have some self-esteem! I actually like myself!

Now, isn't that ironic?

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